The Dartmouth Observer

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Tuesday, June 03, 2008

With the Democratic nomination secured for Barack Obama the Dartmouth Observer will retire the short lived Clinton Campaign Mythbuster project in favor of the McCain Mythbusters. I look forward to this being a bipartisan project, as it were, over the coming months. Remember Clinton supporters, working to demonstrate how ridiculous John McCain is not the same thing as supporting Barack Obama.

I’m also announcing the introduction of a regular GIT (Get. It. Together.) rating for the Obama campaign. If the last few weeks have demonstrated anything it is the propensity for the big O to waste, not just days, but weeks on issues that are not his strength and that don’t speak to the needs of the American people. It’s my duty as an Obama supporter, at those moments, to tell his ass to get it together. GITs will be combined with campaign prescriptions when the Obama train veers too far of course, engages John McCain on the war, engages John McCain at all, stops talking to young people, black people or women etc. etc. and unfortunately…etc.

Campaign Prescription for the New Nominee: Get Thee to the Country!

We understand. You wanted to pivot to the General Election early and create as many Obama v. McCain headlines as early and often as possible. Bravo, I suppose, on that. I would’ve been happier had Hugo Chavez, Iran or trips to Iraq not been part of those headlines (GIT!). But you’ve got the nomination and I want your campaign schedule over the next two weeks to be full of trips to suburban to rural Ohio, Indiana, Florida and Michigan. Use that war chest to run the following set of ads

Montage of curious to dubious white voters

Skeptical white person 1: “I like Barack Obama, but I don’t know that much about him.”

Skeptical white person 2: “Isn’t he a Muslim?”

Skeptical white women 3: “I voted for Clinton, but I have so many questions about Obama’s economic policies.”

Skeptical white man 4: “Is he another tax and spend liberal?”

Barack Obama (big smile): Do you still have questions about me? You’re not the only one come to *insert this campaign event* town hall and I’ll do my best to answer them.

I don’t think I even have to convey the genius of this strategy. The national media will swoon, I’ll swoon and skeptical Clinton supporters around the country will take another look. Considering how close a number of swing state polls are just a little more support out of rural areas is enough to put Obama back into landslide victory, so Obama? Get. It. Together.